Until you actually see what you have done, and have the courage to take the necessary actions to correct it and live an authentic life, you will feel just the way that you feel now.
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You said it yourself in your post, "Also, I am completely concerned about hurting him. Otherwise I would just tell him so I could stop driving myself nuts."
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Stop driving myself nuts, me, me, me... Your guilt, your pain, not his pain when this comes out 10 years from now. Or not even your child's pain when you and he divorce over this. It is all about you.
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Just like your affair, even if it was just a ONS, was a selfish, horrible act that you committed against your F. You did that to him for no other reason than you wanted to.
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